The saying goes, “First the worst, second the best,” but is that really true outside of elementary school?
I’ve always felt that I’m a “number two” girl.
I come in second. I’m an underdog. The second choice. The leftovers. The “she’ll do.” The one you settle for.
As humans, I feel we always want to come out on top. We want to be number one. We strive to be the best and do our best.
I’m competitive. When I know I’m number one, I feel overjoyed. Yet many times, I’m number two.
I may feel like a number one girl for a moment, only to be knocked down to number two again once I realize there’s another number one.
I’ve felt that I come in second in two compartments of my life.
In my career, I’ve felt like number two more times than number one. There’s always someone better. That’s OK. I can live with that. What bugs me is the other compartment: Love.
In my love life, I’ve always felt this unsettling number two feeling. Here’s what not to say to someone:
- “You remind me of my ex…”
Don’t tell me I remind you of someone else. I am my own person.
- “If only I was single…”
So what? Would you ask me out immediately after you break up with her because she wouldn’t be in your way? Would I just be a rebound? Thanks, but I don’t think so.
- “I like talking to you, but I feel guilty because I’m seeing someone…”
You have nothing to feel guilty about unless you started flirting. Just know the line and don’t cross it for everyone’s sake.
- “Send pics. It’s not cheating on my girlfriend because it’s like porn…”
I. Am. Not. Your. Porn. Period.
- “So if me and my girlfriend break up…”
I will not play this hypothetical game with you. If you’re thinking about me in that way and you have a girlfriend who isn’t me, there’s a problem.
There’s probably more examples, but you get my point, right?
Stop making people feel like they’re number two. And I get it if you don’t realize you’re making someone feel like they’re your second choice. And I know I’m guilty of not telling someone they’re making me feel like I’m their second choice. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we can all do better.
Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with feeling like you’re number two, but most times, we all want to feel like we’re number one.
If I’m not someone else’s first choice, at least I can be my own first choice.